My town's haunted waters
The local news to-do over the weekend is the story of another person in harm's way on one of my town's several ponds and wetlands. This tale follows what has become a fairly common plot. Family dog runs out onto thin ice. Family dog falls through the ice. Paterfamilias tries to rescue dog. Paterfamilias falls through ice. The variations have mostly to do with the outcome. This weekend's tale has a happy ending, because Dad and dog were both successfully rescued by first responders. (We may not have a lot of crime here, but we have a lot of water accidents: the first responders are damn good at this.)
Not all the endings have been happy. For instance about ten years back, the same story played out with a worse ending. Dog self-rescued; Dad drowned or died first of hypothermia, because the dog was only a dog, not Rin Tin Tin. A number of these ponds are glacial. They may look scenic, cute and harmless, but they are very deep. Jumping in without assistance nearby may be the last dumb thing one ever does.
I have to believe that the waters are haunted, toxic, or that these are part of a canine plot to take over the world. I allow the latter because of the prominent role dogs have played in several of these misadventures.
As to the first, let's think. The dog has fallen through the ice. The man who died a decade ago had no humans along. This weekend's victim had two toddlers in a stroller. (Talk about childhood trauma!) Now, Watson, consider that the dog has fallen through the ice. What leads a presumably rational human being to think that he (always he), who weighs at least as much as the dog, is not also going to fall through the ice? Either we have evil sprites inhabiting the waters, beckoning males into hazardous situations, or the ponds exude a miasma of stupid that men inhale during their decision-making process.
A couple of books I've read in recent years, dealing with human accidents in wild places, have statistically proven that the most significant toxin in any of these accidents is testosterone. That may be, but for now I'm going with the sprites or the canine plot.
Not all the endings have been happy. For instance about ten years back, the same story played out with a worse ending. Dog self-rescued; Dad drowned or died first of hypothermia, because the dog was only a dog, not Rin Tin Tin. A number of these ponds are glacial. They may look scenic, cute and harmless, but they are very deep. Jumping in without assistance nearby may be the last dumb thing one ever does.
I have to believe that the waters are haunted, toxic, or that these are part of a canine plot to take over the world. I allow the latter because of the prominent role dogs have played in several of these misadventures.
As to the first, let's think. The dog has fallen through the ice. The man who died a decade ago had no humans along. This weekend's victim had two toddlers in a stroller. (Talk about childhood trauma!) Now, Watson, consider that the dog has fallen through the ice. What leads a presumably rational human being to think that he (always he), who weighs at least as much as the dog, is not also going to fall through the ice? Either we have evil sprites inhabiting the waters, beckoning males into hazardous situations, or the ponds exude a miasma of stupid that men inhale during their decision-making process.
A couple of books I've read in recent years, dealing with human accidents in wild places, have statistically proven that the most significant toxin in any of these accidents is testosterone. That may be, but for now I'm going with the sprites or the canine plot.
Labels: ice accidents
posted by Uncle | 20:32
2 Comments:
It is NOT the dog's fault!! You cant blame this on the dog! You cat person you :P
Im voting for testosterone overdose myself.
Cats could not only walk on the thin ice, they wouldn't go anywhere near water. So maybe it is *their* plot to take over. We're helpless pawns in the intrigues of kitteh v. goggie. ;)
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