Who's on First?

The best political comedy is always unintentional. Witness the latest Homeland Security flare into foul territory.

Granted, an attack on New York subways is a generally plausible idea. But, umm, let's think.

I can well imagine that a desert-dwelling fanatical Iraqi insurgent would think it a great idea to take on the New York subway system at rush hour on the Sunday of Columbus Day weekend. The last time I was on a New York subway on a holiday weekend it was umm, slightly less than packed? So okay, the L line was moderately busy but the A trains were stopping at stations if a) the operator spotted someone on the platform in time and b) he/she was in the mood. Let's just say the opportunities seem a little spotty if you want to blow up someone besides yourself. Isn't that why the global terror network is global, to subject the ideas of some jackal-roasting yokel to a reality check?

Poor Dubya: he really needed a Weapon of Mass Distraction: you could get a headache trying to remember all the reasons. I feel safer every day, knowing that Chertoff can't even hit the right panic button. I would be more concerned if I wasn't convinced that our devious foes are at least as stupid as the flunkies of Homeland Security.

Once again, god is on the side with the fewest morons, and it's still a dead heat.