More marvels of animal research

So now we have scientists telling us, after extensive studies and lawd knows how much money laid on the table, that cats control hoomanz.

Once again, ordinary mortals, in this case cat people, roll their eyes skyward and say "like you didn't know that cats control people?"

The study spent an inordinate amount of time studying the unique "feed-me" cry. The scientists did not discuss the effect of the basilisk stare, which causes people to run through their consciences, trying to figure out what aspect of the cat's comfort they have overlooked. They did not delve into the feed-me behaviour called "pry open the hoomanz's sleepy eyz and make them wake up." They did not attempt to answer the classic question of why a cat is always on the wrong side of the door. Others have studied the phenomenon by which a cat is instantly attracted to the one cat hater in a room full of strangers, but this study gave that one a pass.

Since the study has obviously barely scratched the surface, I think we can look for this crack team to be back for more. The peculiarities of feline-human relations ought to keep this lot in cat food for the rest of their lives. They just need to hide their tails when they present the next proposal.