Cruising...not

There is nothing, as in no thing, and no amount of money, that could entice me to take a cruise aboard the much-hyped Oasis of the Seas. I have nothing against Finnish shipbuilders, or the Royal Caribbean people. It's all about the numbers.

The numbers say we have a ship that is "five times larger than the Titanic." That's a comparison that seems to tempt fate, I think. However, the numbers that bother me are the ratio of draught (the amount of ship under the water) to freeboard (amount of ship above water). In this ship, the ratio is 1:7. This is an uncomfortable ratio at best, if you happen to be on the upper decks and the ship is taking seas broadside. At worst, it is creepy. The more of a ship is above water, and the less is under it, the more mathematical law will try to rectify the problem by putting all of the ship underwater.

Granted that there are very few icebergs in cruise ship waters. However, there are hurricanes. Whilst the Oasis seems capable of outrunning the average hurricane, she is possibly not capable of outrunning a hurricane that is faster than average, larger than average or less predictable than average. Assuming all the odds are on your side, your cruise encounter with a hurricane may end with nothing more than your lunch splattered on the opposite bulkhead.

Otherwise, you get to feature in a nautical disaster that makes the Titanic look like the sinking of your bathtub rubber ducky.

So don't comp me a couple of tickets, please. I might be tempted to sell them online.