Fire One!

I suppose I count as an animal lover, but our current allegedly alpha cat makes it a trial.

Spike's excuse may be traumatic brain injury (he fell down a flight of stairs in early kittenhood) but whatever the cause, he is dumber than a bag of hammers. Today it has been snowing, sleeting, or generally crudding all day. Despite this, Spike hasn't lost his determination to show off his manliness, so Mr. Indoor Kitty makes his daily bolt for the exit. I am burdened with shopping bags and unable to resist. The temperature has been dropping. The coat of rain on the deck has become ice. Spike makes his break for freedom.

It is a tribute to the braking power of cat claws that he doesn't rocket off the deck and down the outside steps. Having come to a halt inches from disaster, he thinks about wimping out, licks himself a few times, and goes down the steps with as much manly swagger as he can muster. Spike can now shiver under the porch for fifteen minutes before making his reappearance at the back door, point made and dignity restored.

If any of this sounds like the behaviour of any other male mammal, I'm sure it's coincidence.