You didn't have to go to Africa

My news tells me that a dangerous new virus , called the Lujo virus, has been identified in Africa.

Those of us who follow the Red Sox could have told them about it. But no, wait...what we have is the LuGO virus. It has different manifestations, such as difficulty catching baseballs, a complete inability to turn a double play, and an incomprehension that the point of stepping up to the plate with the bat is to get on base once in a while.

There is a hypothesis that the Lugo virus can infect pitching staffs as well. However, this needs more research.